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A Fire Ring Solution: Divide the Beach

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There is much to think and worry about these days.

News and stories abound relating to ISIS, executions, Middle East War, racial tensions, discord between Obama and Netanyahu, the private Hillary e-mails… ad infinitum. Closer to home, the California drought is becoming a mega-drought and undocumented illegals challenge our facilities.

Locally, Newport Beach faces issues such as traffic congestion, parking shortages, jet packs, dock taxes, and city hall expenditures. But nothing seems to arouse the heat, ire, rile, smoke and fire of locals when the discussion turns to our fire rings at the beach.

But, before you despair any further, there is some good news regarding some new ideas, technologies and world renowned consultants that have been quietly hired and put on a retainer.

Admittedly, I know very little regarding the details at this time, but the new plan allegedly has a three prong solution.

The Corona del Mar Beach will be divided into three separate but contiguous areas (don’t worry, there is plenty of beach). The relative size of each specified area can be adjusted regularly depending on usage and outcomes.

The first part will be for those visitors who want to swim only. There will be no fire rings. Admission will be the $20 cost of parking plus $10 per person to swim

The second part of the beach will be for those who like it just the way it has always been. There will be swimming plus fire rings permitted. As this area is only one of three sections the amount of smoke to neighboring homes and persons will be thereby diminished. Costs will be $20 per car for parking and $20 per person to swim and enjoy the fire rings.

The third area will be for those who desire to swim plus use one of the many modern gas rings. There will be wooden tables and chairs provided. There will be park employees to help with cleanup and assist the infirm and elderly of our aging population. In one corner of this section, for those who forget to shop, there will be a stand that sells raw hot dogs, hamburger, fish and fresh lobster. Costs will be $20 per car to park and $45 per person for use of the grills and tables.

Obviously the above fees will have to be revised on occasion depending on feedback so don’t fret!

So, in the meantime, here’s hoping you have a refreshing swim and barbecue next week on April Fools Day!

Michael Arnold Glueck tackles a variety of serious topics but occasionally gets silly.

 

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