Being Bad

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Movies

Usually most columns will tell what shows or movies you might want to see. Today I mention two current movies not to see. In fact these are so bad they actually become funny. Being that I watched them back-to-back is even funnier. Well, it is a far better thing that you watch them in sequence so as not to ruin two good days.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

I’m not sure what the message is. Maybe it’s that he who has the most testosterone wins. How about the side that wins (humans vs. apes) is the one with the most guns? Let’s have the side with the good guys ultimately inherit the earth. That creates a problem that has existed since the courtship of Adam and Eve. There are no good guys in this ape sequel or prequel or consequence or whatever you want to rename it. But wait, Caesar the Ape is a really a wonderful and sensitive ape. Unfortunately he almost dies at the film’s crisis when you need him the most. So if you are in a movie theatre and see an ape walking around be sure to run like hell.

The Purge: Anarchy

If “The Dawn of the Planet of The Apes” doesn’t have enough guns for you then watch “Purge: Anarchy.” For a few evening hours once every year the government allows the citizens (and illegals) to commit any crime they want. Now this might be a good way to eliminate hardened criminals but the good guys and the rich get eliminated too. This might work, if instead, the government held a 24-hour shootout at an enclosed sporting stadium like the Coliseum in LA. Individuals and gangs would be welcome. At 7 p.m., one summer night per year, the shooting (knives and hand grenades allowed) would commence until there is only one person (or gang) surviving or the 24-hour period ends. Individual winners would get five million dollars and a guaranteed spot on “The Bachelor.” If a gang wins, each member would get one million dollars each, plus a spot on “The Bachelorette.”

Ohio (With Cleveland) Wins Again

Citizens have voted to keep the death penalty many times only to have it overturned by creative lawyers and judges. The last rebuff to the people came when a judge ruled that the condemned facing lethal injection had a right to know all the ingredients of the “cocktail” and how they worked.

According to the online journal The Onion, “Seeking a more humane method of carrying out capital punishment, Ohio’s new machine yanks inmates heads from their bodies using painless, powerful robotic claws.” The machine then incinerates the head and body for burial. All this would save the government time, jail space and money. We the people anxiously wait for the courts to find some reason to declare this painless method unconstitutional.

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