When Bill O’Reilly and Fox News were loudly condemning the “War On Christmas,” I naively assumed they had zeroed in on canceled Nativity scenes at public parks in Santa Monica. Or maybe they were mad at Hallmark for selling cards that say “Seasons Greetings” instead of “Feliz Navidad.”
Now I realize O’Reilly was raising the alarm because boat owners on Balboa were threatening to boycott Newport Beach’s annual Christmas Boat Parade. This after the City Council raised dock “fees” (never taxes) for the first time in two decades.
Even worse, the City wants to use some of the proceeds to strengthen and raise seawalls. That smacks of a response to global warming, and everybody knows global warming is a hoax. Rumors of a meltdown at the North Pole and pictures of Santa’s elves bobbing around in lifeboats are just some leftwing conspiracy.
My first reaction was to ignore all the folderol, but when our third Balboa Island Holiday Party – oops, I mean Christmas Party – got canceled, I realized America faced its most serious revolt since the Whiskey Rebellion of 1791.
My granddaughter Abbey was in town for her first Christmas with us, so we went to Balboa anyway. We figured if there weren’t any boats lit up, she could feed the ducks, which is still pretty exciting if you’re a one year old. Fortunately there were plenty of lights to see, so her Grandpa can relax until the War On Easter heats up in March.
I’ve already started to prepare Abbey for that conflict. I’ve assured her that the Vernal Equinox Bunny will be hopping by our house even if the City Council does pass a rumored fee increase at Big Corona (to help fund the removal of fire pits from local beaches?).
Of course, some Fox viewers themselves want to do away with other holidays. Halloween tops the list. It is, after all, a pagan ritual. Well, sorry Fox, but if my granddaughter wants to dress up like a princess on Halloween, I don’t care if the Voldemorts on the City Council do pass a pumpkin fee to pay for it.