No Lemonade Here

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In the new ordinance regulating Park and Beach use in Newport Beach, there is a part of it that makes me a bit nervous.

It essentially prohibits “Continuing to conduct or perform any event, activity, behavior, or conduct that is determined to be unsafe, a nuisance, or a disturbance to the public.”

Sounds very vague right?  But I’ll get back to that in a minute.

The primary purpose of this new ordinance is to rid the public beaches and parks of those horrible personal trainers who exploit the public land by getting those beastly Newport Beach housewives into shape.

Shame on those people, profiting off of Newport Beach housewives and off public property!  Shame, shame!

Also, shame on those Newport Beach parents who want to teach their Newport Beach sons and daughters, as well as their friends, how to throw that curveball!  Shame on them for exploiting public parks.

And shame on all of them for not sharing 30 percent of their fees with the City!  Doing business in California isn’t hard enough without Newport Beach reaching into that pocket now to grab its share!

But all that doesn’t surprise me.  Newport Beach is poor, so the City Government is trying to milk all the money it can from residents.

I mean, this isn’t like raising the parking fees on “mostly non-residents.”

These are Newport Beach residents being trained by personal trainers; these are Newport Beach children being coached by pitching coaches.  All on Newport Beach public property.

Imagine that?  Newport Beach residents and children using their own parks and beaches.


But it’s that vague third prohibited activity (along with no smoking in the parks and no parks and beaches use without the extortion fee) that reminds me of a situation that could potentially be subject to this very subjective ordinance.

Midway, Georgia.

Today in Midway, Georgia, it is 98 degrees, with scattered showers and thunderstorms.  Sounds miserable right?

Well, three little girls decided to that they wanted to go to a water park, but they needed money.  So they did what children all over this country do, they did what children all over Newport Beach do, they opened up a Lemonade Stand.

But in Midway, Georgia, apparently that behavior is illegal, not just on public property, but on private property too. So the cops shut them down for not having a business license, peddler’s permit, and food permit, with city officials stating that it’s their job to keep everyone safe and healthy, that there could be no exceptions to the rule.

Is that what could happen in Newport Beach?  Probably not.


What if some little girls in Newport Beach went to the boardwalk, next to Mayor Mike Henn’s beachfront home, set up a lemonade stand just off the sand, just off the boardwalk and started harassing passersby within earshot of Mayor Henn?

Under that “Continuing to conduct or perform any event, activity, behavior, or conduct that is determined to be unsafe, a nuisance, or a disturbance to the public” part of that ordinance, couldn’t they be shut down?

Or how about the part where these little girls are profiting off public property (like the personal trainers or pitching coaches do) with the older girls teaching the young girls how to start and run the lemonade stand…

An exaggeration?

OK, how about this real-life situation.

When I was a Lido Isle resident, in the summer, practically everyday, there would be a lemonade stand set up right smack dab in the middle of the island on the little sliver of a park.  They would yell, and chase, and laugh loudly, and just be a public nuisance and disturbance to the public.  Plus, when they would run down moving cars to try to get customers, they definitely could be considered unsafe.

I’m surprised no one ever got injured … except when I would skin my knee running away from these little high-pressure hooligans.

Under this new ordinance, those Newport Beach children exploiting that Newport Beach park would have to get their business shut down, or at least be forced to get a business license (to pay 30 percent of their income to the city), be forced to get a peddler’s license (don’t worry, I’m sure some Newport Beach Councilmember is thinking what a great idea peddler’s licenses are), and at the very minimum a Health Permit.

Gee … I wish these Big Government City Councilmembers were on the City Council back then …

You know, this Newport Beach City Council really proves the point that even part-time legislators can come up with ridiculous laws.





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