Aren’t You Glad You Asked?

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Dear Sugar Mama,

My son is 2 and he is a BITER! He is a very loving boy, but when he gets too excited or tired (or maybe hungry?) he BITES. We have tried time-outs, but they don’t get the message across. How can I change this behavior?

Thanks,

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Dear Once,

I typically avoid all inquiries involving requests to change someone else’s behavior, but yours is a question close to my heart as I, too, am a biter. I think my mother addressed this issue best when she declared: “You’re either a crunchy person or you’re a slurpy one.”

Crunchers prefer to snack on things like Cool Ranch Doritos or an entire bag of corn nuts, for example. Slurpers, by contrast, are partial to a dab of oatmeal in the morning, or a couple sips of low-fat soup. Your young son – without the benefit of a sophisticated palate at he age of 2, or a well-versed vocabulary – is simply telling you that he’s a Cruncher.

My advice? Enough with the applesauce already and hand him a couple of Cheetos. If that doesn’t work, wait it out until he outgrows it, and in the meantime avoid all moms who have slurpers – they can be very judgmental.

Best of luck,

Sugar

Dear Sugar Mama,

My family and I are going away over Spring Break and my wife INSISTS on a dog/house sitter instead of putting our dog in a kennel as to “not upset the dog.” The costs are equal, but I think she’s being outrageous – it’s a DOG, for Chrissakes.

Dog-tired and Frustrated

 

Dear Dog-tired,

Why are we even having his conversation if costs are truly equal?  Wife’s happy, dog’s happy … I don’t get it, unless you’re one of those guys who likes to pick petty arguments with his wife to secure some position of power.

Are you a guy who likes to win, Dog Tired?

Well, then, let’s play a little game.  I’m your wife and you’re … you. We’re on a plane to Hawaii.

YOU: How about a cocktail, hon?

ME:

YOU: Hon?

ME:

YOU: Come on, we’re on vacation …

ME:

YOU: What, are you not talking to me now?

ME:

YOU: Oh, you gotta be kidding me – is this about the stupid DOG, for CHRISSAKES?

ME:

YOU: HEY, I DIDN’T COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE TO BE TREATED LIKE I DON’T EXIST IN THIS FAMILY. LIKE I DON’T MATTER.

ME:  Well, neither did Scruffy.

I’ll take that cocktail now. Enjoy your trip.

xo,

Sugar

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