There is no question that Realty TV stars such as the Kardashians have captured the hearts (or the gag reflexes) of the American people for the past seven years.
Yet, the majority of Americans are people like us, doing their best to get out of the door every morning, having to replace science workbooks left out in the rain, fighting over whose turn it is to pick up dog poop, searching for the lost shoe, and getting braces tightened.
Real people who are working hard, and raising kids rather than raising body parts. Makes me wonder, what if the cameras were rolling on a family like ours? Would people tune in?
Millions of viewers watch people cook, hoard, lose weight, set buffalo wings-eating records, or exploit their toddlers in beauty pageants. But what about a show that says, “Hey, you out there, hoping your clothes are dry before you have to leave for work… you are not alone.”
While Matt and I aren’t Little People, or Amish; although I don’t have a sister wife, and we only have four, rather than 19 kids, we do have a colorful life. Ours is a real family. Not to be confused with a normal family. Because normal, as we all know, is a myth. And we’re not looking to rip off “Mythbusters.”
The working title of our pilot could be “So You Think You Can Survive The Amazing Real World of America’s Next Top Cake-Eating Family.”
Thinking of our life in terms of episodes, isn’t very difficult.
We can give “America’s Got Talent” a run for their money in our “Sally Takes the Stage” episode. Sally performs in the demanding role as a flower in “Alice and Wonderland.” Not everyone can pull off a character study of flora with such believability. The green tights on her legs, so stem-like!
In “Payton Takes to the Road,” we witness the exciting day when he gets his drivers license and begins driving the family minivan—because nothing is hotter for high school chicks than a 16-year-old in an old minivan. Take that Greg Brady.
In one bittersweet episode entitled “Don’t Get Rid of That Mom, I Need It,” America is with us during our move. Viewers watch us let go of papers, books, toys missing body parts, dried up markers, fragments of Halloween costumes, kitchen utensils that no one can identify, plastic storage containers with no lids, lids with no matching container, Lego pieces not in the shape of a brick, a plethora of stuffed animals, and the last of any remaining baby items. And that was just the front room.
Janey, our 14-year-old daughter, and the only family member with a true sense of style, emerges as the driving force in setting up the new nest. In the “Janey’s Eye” episode, her penchant for aesthetics is only stifled by a budget as she attempts to decorate our new home.
Other episodes include, “Wyatt’s Magic Tricks,” “Death of the Guinea Pig,” “Dad has Gout,” “Mom Goes Back to Teaching,” and “Scrubby Gets Sprayed by a Skunk.”
“So You Think You Can Survive The Amazing Real World of America’s Next Top Cake-Eating Family” will probably never make it on any network – too many real moments for Reality TV.
Moments of inspiration, chaos, and humor. Moments that hurt, jolt, surprise, and challenge us. Moments that make us cry, laugh, and wonder.
The moments that make up a family. Moments that may never make it on the airwaves, but infinitely ride the heart waves through the years.